Please don't date a Psychopath

Be aware humans!
A new species of creatures has just been found. They lurk in the shadows of love; lure their prey by scents of sandalwood, rosemary, and desperation; display their lust for their prey under the pretense of “Oh baby, I was just so worried about you”. These three steps- lurk, lure and lust- helps distinguish these species from humans. Scientists are currently working on more substantial research reports. However, they have recently given the statement that these new species are quite difficult to locate, as once they are born, they camouflage into the skin of a human, and do not step into their real skin till you ‘dump’ them. Scientists have decided to call members of this species a ‘psychopath’, for the simple reason that they behave as a ‘psychopath’ and breathe as a ‘psychopath’.

Pronunciation: ‘si’ from the ‘siren’ blasting to warn you of his presence in your lives (sometimes this warning siren comes in the form of your friends who are not blinded by love, like you are; and that’s why you should take my advice sometimes, as a friend who is not blinded by love); ‘co’ from ‘coffee’, which you need to know how to make cause he is a man, and hence does not need to know how to cook or survive on this planet; and ‘path’ from the ‘path’ you will be taking to run far far away from him.  

How to locate a ‘psychopath’?
There are multiple ways through which you may locate a psychopath.

No! Keep that binoculars down. You don’t have to be quiet and hold up binoculars at the sky to locate him. He is closer than you think; much much closer. In fact, you can only locate him after he has located your existence.
1.    A psychopath may take you out on dates and then offer to pay the entire bill, as if you are not an independent human being, capable of taking care of yourself.
2.    He might ask you for your social media or phone password. Or, he might look over your shoulders as you complain to your other friends about him looking over your shoulders. Disclaimer: If you are accused of having a boyfriend because you were seen smiling at your phone, when you were just looking at dope memes, then please be aware that there are chances that the accuser is not the psychopath you are dating, but actually your mother trying to get you to marry some person… any person.
3.    He might ask you for updates about your life every single hour. Do not get me wrong, it is sweet that he thinks your life is as happening as Beyoncé’s, but at the same time, the fact that he has invested so much time and effort to track down every action of yours is creepy.

This list is in no way exhaustive. Many times, female Homo sapiens miss out on these small details under the pretense of “no… my man is different/ he is not like the others” or “my baby is choo chweet!! He cares about me cho much!!” No! Please don’t be blinded by love. Please! Fall in love with your heart, but do take your brains with you and for God’s sake, quit the baby talk.
True story: once upon a time, a long long time ago, there was this boy. This boy used to text me. Regularly. Every single day. He texted me as regularly as my mother scolded me. However, before I go on, let me explain the dynamics of texting.
You receive a text; you read it; you form an appropriate reply in your head; you text it out; you press send; then you proceed to over-think about that text till you receive a reply, which is when this cycle repeats. This is the usual cycle followed by all of us. However, this guy had another step: analysis of the reply received from the other person. If I put more than five ‘ha’s in my ‘hahaha’, then he gets suspicious of whether I am actually laughing… No! Just NO! The fact that I am texting back ‘lol’ or ‘hahaha’ basically means that I have no idea what to reply to you, but I want to be polite enough to not leave you on read. You can’t just sit and start analyzing my texts. (insert a really long deep breath here, and go drink some water while I sit here and recompose myself. Hydrating yourself is important.)

What to do once you have encountered a psychopath?
Pick a nice silent time. Preferably, when he is sleeping, cause then technically, you still told him you want to break up. No matter what you do, DO NOT break up on text. It’s disgusting, and just don’t get yourself down to that level. You rather tell a sleeping beauty than break up with him on text.

If you are lacking some drama in your life, and want to break up like a nice person while your psychopath is conscious and able to react, then you may try anything but the following:
“It’s not you, it’s me”.  This is too uncreative and honestly, it is him. So don’t you dare validate his actions, by saying ‘it’s not you’. It IS him. It is most definitely him.
“I don’t think we are working out”. Why are you using a hedge sistah? Tell him with a certain tone that you guys are not working out because he is a damn psychopath and isn’t giving you enough ‘you’ time.

Basically, you get the idea of what to avoid. Or… possibly, you could do what most sane people *ahem* Lira *ahem* do, and frankly communicate your thoughts and feelings with the person, if you are no longer comfortable in the relationship.

However, no matter what you do, proceed with caution. Psychopaths have been known to use words, feelings and emotions to lure you back. And no matter what, if you see him take out the secret weapon of memories, then straight up RUN! Turn around, take out your heels, put on some good sneakers, and simply RUN!