Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from January, 2019

Excuses 101

Welcome! I see you are late, but bop bop bop bop bop before you say anything, let me teach you what to say and how to say. So welcome to a class that you have been missing out on all your life, and a class that you will cherish all your life. Thankfully, all this information will be available online, so you do not need to pay attention (or keep telling yourself that). Welcome to ‘Excuses 101’. Firstly, please help yourself to a seat. The back rows are already filled out, so maybe you could try sitting in the front… right under my nose. Attendance for this class will not be taken, because frankly, I am not putting myself through the torture of learning how to pronounce all of your names and also it’s hard work. Next, why must you sit for this class? Because it is compulsory? No. Because you enjoy learning extra stuff? No. Because you are secretly in love with me? Ye…pfffff NO! You must sit for this class because it teaches you the essential life skill of

Guide to Awkward Conversations

We have all been confronted with situations where we were forced to make conversation or create dialogue and in a majority of such scenarios, at some point or the other it ends up in an awkward silence. Be it a family function where you are forced to interact with relatives whom you have never met in your life, or be it at a bar where you meet a hot person whom you are trying to impress, or be it at university or school where you are forced to make acquaintances as you require partners for the upcoming group projects, or be it at your work environment where you are required to establish a good relationship with your colleagues as your work performance and salary depends on it.   However hard we try, how much ever effort we put in the conversation; awkward silence soon finds its way in. This awkward silence hangs in the air, with none of the parties knowing how to proceed. Tension brews, as the parties nervously flash each other smiles; while their eyes try to d

New Year Resolutions

Welcome to the only ‘real’ reality show in the entire universe!!! Congratulations on being selected as one of the contestants!!! This show commenced the second you had your first cry, and will end… well, pretty soon. Your mission, if you choose to accept it (not that you have a choice really), is to relate and then relate some more, and then finally to mend your ways. p.s. “If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do, chapels had been churches and poor men’s cottages princes' palaces. It is a good divine that follows his own instructions. I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done than be one of the twenty to follow mine own teaching.” ~ Portia, Act 1, Scene 2, The Merchant Of Venice, William Shakespeare. [AKA I will preach to you bro, but don’t expect me to practice. There is a reason I am the host/judge of this reality show, and not the contestant. And that reason lies in the fact that you are clearly more talented than me, and while I sit here