Thread of Thoughts

She preferred to sit alone. The loneliness always seemed to provide her some solace and also it placed her under less scrutiny. Maybe some people did tag her as a loner, but she intuitively knew that they will move on to find a better target; a more happening target; someone with more drama;  someone worth gossiping about. There was a time when she was at the cynosure of her class, but that was before her life took a U-turn. As time passed, she realized that even though she used to be the most popular girl in the class; like ‘Gatsby’ level popular, she never really had any genuine friends. They all stuck around her due to her popularity, and they also fell off, as she fell off her pedestal of fame. Among all this darkness, the only ray of sunshine was her soaring academic performance. With an almost empty schedule; which was an outcome of the decreased social interaction, she was able to dedicate more time to her academics.  The time she spent in going out for parties and the subs

But am I being too irrational? What if the child hates me for forcing her to live a mother-less life? But what if I am not a good mother, and I am saving her from many troubles of having to deal with me? The doctor kept referring to her as a ‘fetus’. To him it is not my daughter. The tone of detachment in his voice makes me skeptic of my determination. It is more important for me to be treated at this moment. Of course, a new fetus can be created again any time. Any time? I had to wait for ten years for this joy, and no matter what, no one can take the place of the first fetus. Oh God! Why am I referring to her as a ‘fetus’? She is my daughter! My little baby girl! Oh God no, what was I thinking? It is three versus one. I cannot let my will stagger. Otherwise they will win! The monsters will win! Ouch! That pain… it was back! I shift my weight to my left side, and wait for it to subdue. Usually, my pains reduce when I change the position of my body. At least, my back pains reduce. O