Hello, fans, family, and family-friends!
My day started out great! Until 7’o clock. That is when I woke up. That is when I remembered that I have this article due tomorrow, and my house is going to be infested with guests in the evening. Do you want to know how much content I have so far? Answer: a nice, little, succinct greeting aka ‘Hello, fans, family, and family-friends!’
You know what that means? That means that I, the queen of procrastination, have procrastinated yet again till the very last minute. Hence, what I am going to do, is give you live updates of today, so that you all can relate with the various traumas of having guests over.
Umm… this would be a very appropriate time for the ‘family friends’ (to be read as ‘family fiends’) mentioned in my initial greeting to stop reading this article. Don’t know if it is going to be a pleasant read for you. Rest of the world, please carry on:
10:00
Just got word from INTERPOL. The attack is to be expected at 18:30. That leaves us with eight and a half hours to get the fort ready, and prepare the most humble feast for the opponent army. You will do terribly at war! Who prepares a feast for the enemy? And I am guessing that this is your exaggerated way of addressing your guests? Well, yes Ms. Holmes. And also, I would do amazingly at war. Feed the enemy and spread the love! Trigger the peace! I wish it were that simple, but anyway, don’t let me distract you from clocking your day.
Preparations for war has commenced, and assignments are being handed out. Lady Macbeth will commit the final murder, but Lord Macbeth will have to bear the guilt. I haven’t read the Macbeth. Don’t know if that makes sense. If you don’t want to distract me from ‘clocking my day’, then you should really quit typing in between. Anyway, the Macbeth reference basically means that the food will be cooked by my mother, but if the taste doesn’t turn out to be as expected, then she will conveniently inform everyone that it was, in fact, cooked by my father, aka Lord Macbeth.
Who am I in this domestic version of Macbeth? Banquo: I stay out of both their ways… or I get killed. Simple.
11:00
Recently overheard about the most daunting problem of this century: the ratio of gravy and chicken has gone terribly wrong. Or at least, it is being treated as that. Truly, such a grave(y) situation.
12:29
Update: My dad emerged a hero in my mom’s eyes by fixing the chicken curry. I think she has fallen in love.
12:30
Forget everything I said a minute ago. There is no love. There was never any love.
New mission: who can yell the loudest? The winner doesn’t have to clean the washroom. As per my score book, my mom is winning. Honestly, I don’t know where and how and why she brought up some century old dispute into this… but hey! As long as it gets you out of bathroom cleaning duties, I guess it’s valid.
My task: to bathe before their argument completes so that the washroom is free for one of them to clean.
14:00
Finally sitting down for lunch. Its last night’s leftovers, with one spoonful of tonight’s dinner for ‘tasting purposes’.
15:00
Fort is unguarded.
Everyone else is asleep.
I am awake. Logging my 3 pm activities. Currently, those activities include taking in oxygen, moving it to my lungs, magically (chemically) converting it to carbon dioxide after it has passed through every single damn cell of my body, and then removing that carbon dioxide. Hard work man! I am tired! Think I am going to join the sleepers. *facepalm*
Good night…zzz
15:03
We have forgotten to buy ice-cream!! New crisis has ensued!!
Thank God for my mother’s telepathic dreaming abilities.
Anyway, that was a good power nap while it lasted. Need to go down to the shop right now.
15:46
Peace has been re-established. There are now two flavors of ice-cream in the fridge.
Yes, I really need to learn decision making.
16:00
Pillow covers are going on cushions.
The bed sheets are being changed.
One last sweep around the house.
The fort is ready for attack! Well, there is a seven-year-old kid coming, so according to my previous experiences with him, all the pillow covers will have crayons on them, the bed sheets will be thrown on the floor, and the entire house will be skew within one hour of his attack.
17:23
After much deliberation, the first batch of tea is being prepared for my tea-addicted parents. They have decided to make another batch when the guests actually come over. But, shhhh, they won’t let them know that. It’s called tea politics.
17:30
Just received my first assignment: to entertain the kids.
Age break-up: 1st one: 11 years old; other one: 7 years old.
All the best to me!
But honestly, I knew this was eventually going to come my way. Well, as I am being honest, let me give you some more of this dose: in my opinion, these two particular families go over to people’s places just so that someone else can take care of their kids while they rest. And even more honestly, I don’t blame them! Too much of honesty? Well, in brutal truthfulness, they consider me to be their children’s part-time nanny, who doesn’t get paid, while they relax and enjoy a nice conversation with my parents about how the stock prices are going up, and why Basmati is their favorite type of rice… or something along those lines… I wouldn’t know…I have never been invited to be a part of their ‘grown-up talks’. But to convince myself, I am just going to assume it is something super boring.
18:00
Parents have gotten out of their ‘ugly home clothes’ and have put on ‘pretty home clothes’.
They are now shoo-ing me of the laptop to wear jeans in the house, cause ‘mom’s logic’.
18:30
They should have been here by now. Yes, I am extremely punctual. I know.
Hence, through my previous knowledge, I can safely guess that they would probably be starting to get ready now.
18:36
Dad just got off the phone… they said they are on their way. And that just confirmed my hypothesis! They are most definitely just starting to get ready now.
19:21Just received a text that they are outside. There was no need for that excessive use of technology- just imagine, electric signal from their phone, reaching a satellite, then reaching our phone, just to inform us of something we had been long aware of. Well, not to brag, but we knew they were coming from about a mile away: loud chatter; crying child; cold gushes of winds…. sirens in the background. If I didn’t know better, I would have compared the commotion they made, to the one which is made when I try to change the position of a picture on Microsoft Word. Literally, my entire document gets completely ruined! All of a sudden, I have three columns, four pictures on top of each other, cold gushes of wind… sirens in the background, and all I wanted to do was to move a picture one centimeter to the right! Is that too much to ask? HUH?!?! One damn centimeter! That’s all!
I wish you could have just heard the sigh I had to take to calm myself down, for they are almost at the door.
Battalion ready your horses!
19:29
The enemy has entered the camp. I repeat! THE ENEMY HAS ENTERED THE CAMP!!
19:30
My personal possessions are in danger.
19:31
Everything that was previously on my table is on the ground now.
19:31
He is eating a candy he found on my desk. Don’t know how long that has been there. (Yuck??)
19:31
Did I know that I have a collection of pens behind my study table, which had fallen down and I had never bothered to pick up? Oh well, at least some good came out of having a seven year old boy at the house.
19:32
WHEN WILL HE GET TIRED???
19:50
Sitting. Just sitting. Sitting with bc38fwnidk eosi eio evqn.
Sitting with him on my lap, with my laptop on his dovbauodv lap.
Ttyl.
20:20
Look at the time, it’s so beautiful.
And its passing so slow… for me.
He has been told that he can have dinner at 21:00. He has been looking at the time every five seconds ever since.
God, KIDS!! Why did you make them?
Actually, God didn’t...
(shhh, I can already hear you telling me that “God didn’t make kids…two human beings love for each other did”…or they just wanted an heir for their throne.)
20:30
Good news ‘Thread of Thoughts’ fans!! I, Lira, have finally managed to meet the great man equivalent of Columbus! Meet Pikachubus: The one, and the only, who discovered the Pokémon Land!!!
(Please bear with me, I have been hearing about his great accomplishments for the past hour. How can someone bring up Pokémon every minute? How? And why?)
23:59
Sorry I couldn’t log the last couple of hours. But here is a short update about what happened: I was used as a human trampoline; had to change my clothes twice cause Sir Pikachubus threw up on them; pretty sure my bed mattress is damaged; neighbors complained about the noise level thrice; and I lost my sanity. (Did you ever have it in the first place?)
01:22
Cleaned everything.
The soft-toys are back in the cupboard; my pens are back behind the back of the table (will rediscover them some day, and become Penumbus myself).
Mom is happy because everyone liked her cooking.
Dad is happy because none of them used the washroom, so he didn’t have to clean it again.
I am happy because none of my family-friends know I lead a secret double agent life as Lira, so they won’t know that the blast of honesty was about them. Muahahahahaha.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Good night
My day started out great! Until 7’o clock. That is when I woke up. That is when I remembered that I have this article due tomorrow, and my house is going to be infested with guests in the evening. Do you want to know how much content I have so far? Answer: a nice, little, succinct greeting aka ‘Hello, fans, family, and family-friends!’
You know what that means? That means that I, the queen of procrastination, have procrastinated yet again till the very last minute. Hence, what I am going to do, is give you live updates of today, so that you all can relate with the various traumas of having guests over.
Umm… this would be a very appropriate time for the ‘family friends’ (to be read as ‘family fiends’) mentioned in my initial greeting to stop reading this article. Don’t know if it is going to be a pleasant read for you. Rest of the world, please carry on:
10:00
Just got word from INTERPOL. The attack is to be expected at 18:30. That leaves us with eight and a half hours to get the fort ready, and prepare the most humble feast for the opponent army. You will do terribly at war! Who prepares a feast for the enemy? And I am guessing that this is your exaggerated way of addressing your guests? Well, yes Ms. Holmes. And also, I would do amazingly at war. Feed the enemy and spread the love! Trigger the peace! I wish it were that simple, but anyway, don’t let me distract you from clocking your day.
Preparations for war has commenced, and assignments are being handed out. Lady Macbeth will commit the final murder, but Lord Macbeth will have to bear the guilt. I haven’t read the Macbeth. Don’t know if that makes sense. If you don’t want to distract me from ‘clocking my day’, then you should really quit typing in between. Anyway, the Macbeth reference basically means that the food will be cooked by my mother, but if the taste doesn’t turn out to be as expected, then she will conveniently inform everyone that it was, in fact, cooked by my father, aka Lord Macbeth.
Who am I in this domestic version of Macbeth? Banquo: I stay out of both their ways… or I get killed. Simple.
11:00
Recently overheard about the most daunting problem of this century: the ratio of gravy and chicken has gone terribly wrong. Or at least, it is being treated as that. Truly, such a grave(y) situation.
12:29
Update: My dad emerged a hero in my mom’s eyes by fixing the chicken curry. I think she has fallen in love.
12:30
Forget everything I said a minute ago. There is no love. There was never any love.
New mission: who can yell the loudest? The winner doesn’t have to clean the washroom. As per my score book, my mom is winning. Honestly, I don’t know where and how and why she brought up some century old dispute into this… but hey! As long as it gets you out of bathroom cleaning duties, I guess it’s valid.
My task: to bathe before their argument completes so that the washroom is free for one of them to clean.
14:00
Finally sitting down for lunch. Its last night’s leftovers, with one spoonful of tonight’s dinner for ‘tasting purposes’.
15:00
Fort is unguarded.
Everyone else is asleep.
I am awake. Logging my 3 pm activities. Currently, those activities include taking in oxygen, moving it to my lungs, magically (chemically) converting it to carbon dioxide after it has passed through every single damn cell of my body, and then removing that carbon dioxide. Hard work man! I am tired! Think I am going to join the sleepers. *facepalm*
Good night…zzz
15:03
We have forgotten to buy ice-cream!! New crisis has ensued!!
Thank God for my mother’s telepathic dreaming abilities.
Anyway, that was a good power nap while it lasted. Need to go down to the shop right now.
15:46
Peace has been re-established. There are now two flavors of ice-cream in the fridge.
Yes, I really need to learn decision making.
16:00
Pillow covers are going on cushions.
The bed sheets are being changed.
One last sweep around the house.
The fort is ready for attack! Well, there is a seven-year-old kid coming, so according to my previous experiences with him, all the pillow covers will have crayons on them, the bed sheets will be thrown on the floor, and the entire house will be skew within one hour of his attack.
17:23
After much deliberation, the first batch of tea is being prepared for my tea-addicted parents. They have decided to make another batch when the guests actually come over. But, shhhh, they won’t let them know that. It’s called tea politics.
17:30
Just received my first assignment: to entertain the kids.
Age break-up: 1st one: 11 years old; other one: 7 years old.
All the best to me!
But honestly, I knew this was eventually going to come my way. Well, as I am being honest, let me give you some more of this dose: in my opinion, these two particular families go over to people’s places just so that someone else can take care of their kids while they rest. And even more honestly, I don’t blame them! Too much of honesty? Well, in brutal truthfulness, they consider me to be their children’s part-time nanny, who doesn’t get paid, while they relax and enjoy a nice conversation with my parents about how the stock prices are going up, and why Basmati is their favorite type of rice… or something along those lines… I wouldn’t know…I have never been invited to be a part of their ‘grown-up talks’. But to convince myself, I am just going to assume it is something super boring.
18:00
Parents have gotten out of their ‘ugly home clothes’ and have put on ‘pretty home clothes’.
They are now shoo-ing me of the laptop to wear jeans in the house, cause ‘mom’s logic’.
18:30
They should have been here by now. Yes, I am extremely punctual. I know.
Hence, through my previous knowledge, I can safely guess that they would probably be starting to get ready now.
18:36
Dad just got off the phone… they said they are on their way. And that just confirmed my hypothesis! They are most definitely just starting to get ready now.
19:21Just received a text that they are outside. There was no need for that excessive use of technology- just imagine, electric signal from their phone, reaching a satellite, then reaching our phone, just to inform us of something we had been long aware of. Well, not to brag, but we knew they were coming from about a mile away: loud chatter; crying child; cold gushes of winds…. sirens in the background. If I didn’t know better, I would have compared the commotion they made, to the one which is made when I try to change the position of a picture on Microsoft Word. Literally, my entire document gets completely ruined! All of a sudden, I have three columns, four pictures on top of each other, cold gushes of wind… sirens in the background, and all I wanted to do was to move a picture one centimeter to the right! Is that too much to ask? HUH?!?! One damn centimeter! That’s all!
I wish you could have just heard the sigh I had to take to calm myself down, for they are almost at the door.
Battalion ready your horses!
19:29
The enemy has entered the camp. I repeat! THE ENEMY HAS ENTERED THE CAMP!!
19:30
My personal possessions are in danger.
19:31
Everything that was previously on my table is on the ground now.
19:31
He is eating a candy he found on my desk. Don’t know how long that has been there. (Yuck??)
19:31
Did I know that I have a collection of pens behind my study table, which had fallen down and I had never bothered to pick up? Oh well, at least some good came out of having a seven year old boy at the house.
19:32
WHEN WILL HE GET TIRED???
19:50
Sitting. Just sitting. Sitting with bc38fwnidk eosi eio evqn.
Sitting with him on my lap, with my laptop on his dovbauodv lap.
Ttyl.
20:20
Look at the time, it’s so beautiful.
And its passing so slow… for me.
He has been told that he can have dinner at 21:00. He has been looking at the time every five seconds ever since.
God, KIDS!! Why did you make them?
Actually, God didn’t...
(shhh, I can already hear you telling me that “God didn’t make kids…two human beings love for each other did”…or they just wanted an heir for their throne.)
20:30
Good news ‘Thread of Thoughts’ fans!! I, Lira, have finally managed to meet the great man equivalent of Columbus! Meet Pikachubus: The one, and the only, who discovered the Pokémon Land!!!
(Please bear with me, I have been hearing about his great accomplishments for the past hour. How can someone bring up Pokémon every minute? How? And why?)
23:59
Sorry I couldn’t log the last couple of hours. But here is a short update about what happened: I was used as a human trampoline; had to change my clothes twice cause Sir Pikachubus threw up on them; pretty sure my bed mattress is damaged; neighbors complained about the noise level thrice; and I lost my sanity. (Did you ever have it in the first place?)
01:22
Cleaned everything.
The soft-toys are back in the cupboard; my pens are back behind the back of the table (will rediscover them some day, and become Penumbus myself).
Mom is happy because everyone liked her cooking.
Dad is happy because none of them used the washroom, so he didn’t have to clean it again.
I am happy because none of my family-friends know I lead a secret double agent life as Lira, so they won’t know that the blast of honesty was about them. Muahahahahaha.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Good night
SPARTA CHARGEEEEEe!!! Every Brown Family noise level exceeds when there r guests...😂😂 Loved your writing as usual💜
ReplyDeleteThank you! Every brown/white/pink/yellow/Pokemon family noise level increases when there is a guest infestation. And most definitely, THIS IS SPARTAAAAA
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